On Pleasure

I often find patients confused about the nature of pleasure, joy and ecstatic experience. Perhaps it is related to the Puritanical foundations of our culture, the idea that sensory enjoyment is sinful or wrong, which leads to repression of aspects of our nature. When there is a division within the self, between the drives and the voice of conscience that seeks to suppress them, I’ve observed that people live with an inner tension that erupts into behaviors leading to excess.

The Cat in the Hat put it succinctly: “It’s fun to have fun, but you’ve got to know how.” I often find myself exploring with patients how to increase and diversify the sensory satisfaction in their lives. Whether related to food and drink, touch and sensuality, strength and flexibility in the body, art and music, or in the literary and intellectual arena, it is worth attending to the process of growing our ability to appreciate our lives. 

As my teacher once pointed out during one of my visits to India, our body and senses are uniquely suited to the appreciation of this world in all its beauty. In yoga philosophy, the body and its desires are real, not illusory. Sensory satisfaction, when conducted mindfully, increases happiness and does not hinder spiritual development. However, some mastery is required to direct our senses in a healthy way.

In the yoga model of the mind, the mind is seen as a servant, not a master. If the senses are leading, and go wherever they will, it can be a rough ride, as we swerve from one craving or aversion to the next. So the first step in increasing our experience of pleasure is to stabilize the mind, which is the goal of yoga practice and meditation. The mind becomes more directable; this is sometimes called control of the senses, but it is more like directability of the mind toward objects of sense perception. 

In order to penetrate deeply into any sensory experience, the mind must be stable enough to stay with the experience throughout its duration, not wander, and not restlessly skip from one desire to the next. Georgia O’Keefe said, “no one sees a flower really, because to see takes time, like having a friend takes time.” So a prerequisite for joy and pleasure is the ability to sustain attention.

Another necessary quality is the ability to refrain or abstain. In yoga this is known as pratyahara. In Hermann Hesse’s great novel, “Siddhartha,” the young man on the spiritual path develops these abilities: “I can think, I can wait, I can fast.” Without abstaining from the wrong thing, we are not available for the right thing. 

An extension of this, from yoga philosophy, is the idea of connection. In a sense, all of life is connection: to our bodies, the air, food, water, people, nature, etc. The meaning of yoga, the Sanskrit root “yuj,” is connection, or union. There are three kinds of connection that cause harm: not to connect, to connect with the wrong thing, and to connect with the right thing too much. None of these lead to happiness or wellbeing. So, in learning to practice the “fine art of happiness,” we need to learn to connect with the right thing, the right amount. That goes for relationship, food, exercise and everything else!

An important aspect of this fine art, is the awareness before we leap into sensory experience, “what is the true nature of this thing I’m about to do?” Eating junk food, sweets, overindulging in drugs or alcohol, superficial sexual contacts, pornography, gambling, all of the addictive behaviors, if subjected to this question, will be seen to be forms of suffering. We can ask ourselves, “will this be a joyful experience now, later today, tomorrow, next week?” In seeing deeper into the nature of things, our tastes change, become more refined, and shift toward experiences that do not leave painful traces.